Despite the fact that many mothers make a good case for co-sleeping, I never even considered it when my children were babies.
Many people, including Circle of Moms member Joy B., define co-sleeping as a child sleeping in the same room — but not necessarily the same bed — as her parents. So I guess I did technically co-sleep when my children were infants. But once they were too big for the bassinet in my room, that was the end of deliberate sleep-sharing.
I was not up for “bed-sharing” or a “family bed,” which the Circle of Moms Family Bed Moms community defines as when moms share their beds with their kids (and enjoy it). There were three main reasons I chose not to share a bed with my children, reasons that many other Circle of Moms members echo when they’re discussing the issue.
Years before the American Academy of Pediatrics released findings that indicate bed-sharing can be dangerous under certain conditions, I worried about the safety of sharing a bed with a child. Mom Brandi B. sums up my concern when she says “I am scared to actually sleep in the bed with my baby.”
Like Circle of Moms member Jamie D, I, too, worried about my son “falling off the bed [or] getting crushed or suffocated by me.” Even knowing what precautions to take around the type of bedding, the firmness of the mattress, and parental behavior didn’t quell my fears.
Leaving safety concerns aside, my bed is my sanctuary. In a house filled with teenage angst, a pre-adolescent's toys, and a sticky toddler's messes, slipping into bed at the end of the day can be pure, unsticky, non angst-ridden bliss.
If the bed is that space, how do you have any intimacy in your relationship if you’re sharing your bed with your child? Co-sleeping Circle of Moms members say they have sex in the spare room, the couch or anywhere else they can manage it.
Personally, I’m with the member who calls herself “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong,” who says that if she and her husband want to have sex in their bed they should be able to. We don’t even have a spare room in our house, and with that aforementioned teenager, sex in other places of the house is out of the question.
That’s not to say we’ve never let our kids sleep in our bed. Over the years, a cranky or sick infant or a scared toddler has found his way into our bed in the middle of the night and stayed there. I’m sure it will happen again and that’s okay. I’ll just sneak off for a nap the next day.
Related Reading: The Case for Co-Sleeping
Do you co-sleep, sleep-share, or bed-share?
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.