36 Alternatives to Bringing Your Kids Shopping With You on Black Friday

By Alessia Santoro

Updated on 11/22/2017 at 12:20 PM

Columbia Pictures
Columbia Pictures

It certainly is a wild ride when you take your precious littles shopping with you, so we imagine that taking your kids shopping with you on the most insane shopping day of the year — Black Friday — may just be what Peter Pan was talking about when he said, "To die would be an awfully big adventure."

If you're going to brave it and take your kids into the craziness with you, we applaud your bravery, but for most of us mamas, there are a million other things we'd rather be doing. We've come up with 36 alternatives, just to list a few.

  1. Be reincarnated as a cockroach.
  2. Poke ourselves in the eye with a dull knife.
  3. Ride on the roof of a Formula One car at a Grand Prix race.
  4. Let the lions loose at the zoo with raw meat hanging from our necks.
  5. Explain that Santa isn't real at an elementary school assembly.
  6. Recarpet our houses entirely with Legos.
  7. Talk politics with Donald Trump . . .
  8. Who can't stop talking until we pull out our own front teeth.
  9. Finally get a letter to Hogwarts and deny their offer.
  10. Start a yearlong juice cleanse.
  11. Chop 1,000 onions in a row.
  12. Binge-watch the entire series of Caillou.
  13. Order our favorite pizzas, pay for them, then throw them away.
  14. Remove a splinter with rusty tweezers.
  15. Be pregnant for two years.
  16. Only be able to use a Minion voice when speaking on the phone.
  17. Chug a bottle of mayo.
  18. Get stuck in a stalled elevator with Jigsaw from the Saw movies.
  19. Watch our iPhones get dropped from the Empire State Building . . .
  20. When we've just upgraded . . .
  21. But are out of the 30-day exchange window.
  22. Eat sushi from a gas station.
  23. Forget and relearn how to read.
  24. Read 50 Shades of Grey out loud at a nursing home.
  25. Read 50 Shades of Grey out loud at a preschool.
  26. Read 50 Shades of Grey out loud at a prison.
  27. Just read 50 Shades of Grey at all.
  28. Stand next to a tween at a Justin Bieber concert.
  29. Let our child's teacher give us a bikini wax.
  30. Do an exterminator's job for a year.
  31. Withdraw 100 dollars from the bank and watch the teller rip it into little pieces.
  32. Continue pumping long after our milk has dried up.
  33. Only listen to Nickelback and the Frozen soundtrack for the rest of our lives.
  34. Shave our heads . . .
  35. And leave rat-tails.
  36. Clean a frat house bathroom.