The Childbirth Details Your Friends and Family Could Probably Do Without

Updated on 7/15/2019 at 8:20 AM

Once you've endured childbirth, it may feel like your body (and all of its exceptional capabilities) are an open book. And while a few fellow mom friends — and perhaps your own mom — may be curious about every last detail of your labor and delivery, most would prefer that you spare them the gory details. So when those well-intended visitors show up with baby gifts and open arms, don't barrage them with your horror stories. When they ask how the delivery was, just smile and say, "(S)he's here safe and sound!"

(That said, this is all very tongue-in-cheek and aimed at your casual friend you meet up for coffee with from time to time, and finding the people you can talk about birth, postpartum struggles, and more with, is soooo important).

The Whole Dilation Thing

It's a major part of the whole childbirth process, we know, but no one needs a recap of your birth canal's big day in the spotlight. We assume that if the baby's here, everything did what it was supposed it.

Whether or Not You Pooped on the Table

What happens in the delivery room, stays in the delivery room. For everyone's sake.

Exactly What a Placenta Looks Like

It ain't pretty.

What Your Baby REALLY Looked Like the First Time You Saw Him or Her

After the journey he or she had, a little bit of smooshiness is to be expected. At first glance, the strongest family resemblance may be to your elderly Uncle Ed, but by the time your friends meet the new arrival, he or she will be ready for a close-up.

What an Epidural Feels Like

If you thought you knew painkillers, think again. Popping the occasional Tylenol does not prepare you for this level of intensity.

What It Sounds Like to Have a C-Section

Clink, clink (and those aren't congratulatory Champagne glasses).

What a C-Section Actually Entails

Your organs may have temporarily left your body . . . but we're pretty sure that sharing this information is the very definition of TMI.

Just How Hard It Is to Poop Afterward

No one wants to hear it. Maybe your doctor. That's it.

Just How Much Blood Is Involved

And . . . it doesn't stop when the baby arrives. But that doesn't need to be public knowledge, does it?

Why There's a Little Plastic Bottle Sitting on Top of Your Toilet

We'll leave this one to your imagination (but will also drop this MomWasher purchase link right here for you).