How to Stay Friends with Still-Married Moms When You Divorce


How to Stay Friends with Still-Married Moms When You Divorce

When Marian W. woke up from the aftermath of her divorce, she discovered collateral damage: the loss of important friendships she'd had with women who were still married. “Suddenly I felt very alone," she relays. "I felt like I had sunk into a mommy black hole and the other moms (married friends) couldn’t understand this different new world I was in.” 

Does it have to be so? Here, Circle of Moms members who've survived a split or divorce offer three ways for newly single moms to maintain their friendships with still-coupled moms.

1. Stay Involved in Your Shared Community

Many friendships among moms are based on the community we build together around our kids, points out Circle of Moms member April B. She recommends keeping disconnection at bay by continuing to show up to play dates, team games, and other community events — with a smile on your face. “I know it is hard, but I have discovered it will help you fulfill your unmet needs."

Shelley W. agrees that the best way to maintain the friendships you had with other moms before your split is to stay involved in the community activities you participated in when married. She stays active as a volunteer at her children’s school, which "is a great place to get to be with the other parents." 

2. Don't Make Your Friends Choose Sides

One of the keys to staying connected with married women friends is to assure them that you aren't asking them to pick sides and you won't be using them as a sounding board when you need to air your feelings about your ex, says Natasha D. "Let your friends know that even though you are not together anymore that does not affect your relationship with them. Make it very clear that you do not expect [an old friend] to choose sides."

 

3. Don't Wait for Them to Come to You

Finally, several moms endorse simply making an effort with your most important friends rather than waiting for them to reach out to you, even — or especially — if it feels awkward. "I've learned to put myself out there, talk to people, build my own network of trustworthy and friendly people," says Shelley W.

April B. agrees, and adds that simply showing up at a social event you would have gone to when you were married creates momentum that will "keep you reaching out and connected." 

Were you able to maintain friendships with married mom friends after your split or divorce?

Image Source: popofatticus via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

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