Real Talk: How to Discuss Drugs and Alcohol With Your Child

If you ask parents whether their child has ever experimented with drugs or alcohol, many would say "never!" Unfortunately, many would be wrong. According to DoSomething.org, 28 percent of kids have consumed alcohol before they begin high school, while 15 percent have smoked cigarettes and 16.5 percent have used marijuana. With statistics that high, it's important that parents put their child on a drug- and alcohol-free path early. But it takes more than a simple "don't do drugs" declaration over the dinner table to convince kids to stay clean. Jamison Monroe Jr., owner of the teen treatment center Newport Academy, shares his tips for talking to kids about substance use and how to keep them from experimenting.

Start a Conversation
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Start a Conversation

Many parents wait till high school to talk to their kids about alcohol and drugs, but Monroe suggests starting earlier.

"Because the average age of first use is 12 years old, parents should start talking when their child is 8 to 10 years old," Monroe says. "It's better to be prepared about this topic and educate them early instead of facing the consequences."

Of course, talking to kids at such a young age could be awkward. Monroe says parents should relax and approach the talk as "a conversation and not a lecture." One way to make the conversation feel more natural is to use news coverage or pop culture events as a starting point. Monroe also suggests parents take a backseat and let the child control the conversation.

"Encourage the conversation by asking open-ended questions and listening without interruptions," Monroe says. He also stresses the importance of keeping your emotions in check. Showing anger or disappointment at something your child says could prevent them from being honest with you in the future.

Don't assume one conversation is all it takes to scare your kid straight, so to speak. It is important for your child to know that you are there to talk whenever he may need you.

"A kid should feel like his parents are there to help him," Monroe says. "Having an open line of communication also prevents kids from hiding their experiences from parents for fear of being punished."

Set Rules Sooner Rather Than Later
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Set Rules Sooner Rather Than Later

Don't wait until your teen tries something to discuss the consequences. "It is important for a parent to develop family rules and consequences about drinking," Monroe says. "These rules and their punishments should be clearly defined to the child so that they know what is at stake." If your child knows what will happen beforehand, he or she may be less tempted to try.

As much as we talk to kids about the dangers of drugs and alcohol, sometimes they feel the need to test it for themselves. By age 15, more than 50 percent of teens have at least tried an alcoholic drink or drug.

While one misstep won't send your child on a downward path, Monroe says, "early detection is key to stopping a potentially deadly situation." One way to do that is to "encourage teen gatherings in your home."

"This is a great way to give your teen a new hangout spot with the added comfort that you know what is happening in your own house," Monroe says.

Talk to Other Parents
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Talk to Other Parents

Of course, your child can't spend every night at your house. If you know they are going to a friend's house, Monroe suggests calling the parents "to ensure there will be supervision."

But don't turn into a helicopter parent. "Kids want to know they are trusted by their parents," Monroe says. While it's important to keep an eye on your child, it's equally important to have faith that they will do the right thing.

Assuming you're over 21, you have every right to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. But Monroe says pouring a drink because you had a "rough day" or saying you "need" alcohol can send the wrong message to your child. He also advises parents to be cautious when sharing any stories that involve drugs and alcohol.

"Don't be tempted to share your old college stories or share anything to glamorize drinking [and drugs]," he says. "Between movies and TV shows, the media already makes drinking a 'cool' activity, and a parent should vocalize the harmful effects of alcohol and drugs."