The terrible twos have struck in my household, and they have struck hard. As a mom of two, one would think that I would already have experience in this department but, believe it or not, it has taken me completely by surprise. My eldest has high-functioning autism and, while she had her own type of "fits" fairly often, we were busy with occupational and speech therapy throughout the terrible twos and somehow managed to dodge them completely. My son, though...my son might be the death of me.
See, all the stories I've ever heard about the terrible twos were of fits of rage, tantrums, and ungodly screaming. We have a bit of that, here and there, but what no one bothered to warn me of is the manipulation. No one thought to tell me, "Oh, by the way, age two is when the sass and smirk appear!" But, they do. And, they work. Even more importantly, my son knows they works.
When he gets into trouble for coloring on his face with a mysteriously reappearing marker for the thirtieth time in a day, he doesn't throw himself on the floor wailing. Either he, Mother Nature, or some other heavenly being has decided I'm much too prepared for fits. Instead, I get onto him, and he lowers his little face, looks up at me out of the top of his eyes...and just stares at me with this irresistable smirk.
When I tell him that it's bedtime, he doesn't kick and scream as I carry him across the house. He simply collapses face first on the floor, with a grin, and refuses to budge. I have to carry him and his completely limp dead weight all the way to the bedroom, while he looks at me with those smiling eyes.
Earlier today, I said, "I love you son, but you're driving me crazy!" He simply giggled and said, "Otay." He's climbing furniture, getting into drawers, coloring on walls, and tearing every single wipe out of the container just to watch them float to the ground.
While I know none of it is malicious, and I should probably be thankful, I'm still having a hard time admitting that I am being defeated by a two-year-old — a happy jokester of a two-year-old who knows his charm and good looks will get him out of anything and uses it to the best of his ability. I can just hear his little wheels turning when he gets into trouble, thinking, "Just make Mommy crack a smile, then she's done for." How do you discipline a child when you can't even keep a straight face?
I will not let this toddler defeat me. He doesn't actually turn two until March, so I have plenty of time to figure this out...right? For now, I will lock myself in the bathroom and meditate while taking a long, hot bath. Without bubbles, of course...he used those to "wash" the floor.
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