Just last night we returned from a family trip to Jamaica. It is rare we do things on our own as a family outside of our larger family (it's pretty big and there's always something to participate in). In the last few years we've found that it's really important for ourselves and our little family to do things on our own or with friends who are on our page, so to speak. This trip in particular helped me step aside from all the craziness of life and mommyhood here in Brooklyn, and put some major things into perspective for me.
Now that my second (and in our set of plans, final) daughter is three months old, I was starting to get antsy for my next big project. I've spent the last two years trying to get pregnant, staying pregnant, and nursing baby. It's been a long haul, both emotionally and energetically.
But the thing is...I don't sit still very well. I love love love mommying. I love it more than I ever imagined I could. And on top of that, it's taught me invaluable lessons about myself and the world around me. But with this deep love for these children comes a need to provide them with the best life possible with the most opportunities and the best mommy for them. I'm pretty sure that a huge part of parenting is being the best, most, fullest person you can be to show your children all that life has in store for them.
I can't help but think that I'm a work in progress and unless I push myself to keep growing and providing, I'll fall into the stereotypical slump of Peggy Bundy-ness.
Before we left for Jamiaca, I had a cafe in the works (business plan written and talks for financing started). Then my partner decided she couldn't commit the time and energy it needed. Then I had a health food-bakery-type business in the early early works, and came home to it falling through as well.
To say I was super excited about both opportunities and on working to make them happen full force is an understatement. But somehow, coming home to the fall through of the second was somewhat of a relief.
Coming home from this reboot vacation for the first time in a while left me realizing that it's okay to just be a good mom and wife for a while. There is nothing to prove right now outside of doing this 24-hour mommy gig well. I need to let go of my plans for the time being, focus on cooking good food for my family, letting my baby sleep on my chest for as long as she needs to, and giving myself a break more often.
My new plan is to enjoy this. Every second of every day of it. Because from what they tell me, these moments are fleeting...
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