If You're Part of a Book Club, You Know These 10 Moms
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For moms, book club can be a magical thing. It sounds like a legitimately adult, responsible form of socializing — who can argue with a group that encourages reading? — but as many a member has learned, book club is less about the book than about scoring a guilt-free, on-the-books night out every single month, where the wine flows freely and the moms are free to complain about their children and spouses as much as they want.
My own book club started as just a few neighborhood moms and has grown to dozens of women, all moms of young children, who heard the (very true) rumors about how our meetings usually run way past midnight, include way too much wine, and are about two percent book talk, 98 percent gossip and laughter. "Book club is a lie," my husband recently told me. "It's just an excuse to drink and get out of the house." I laughed it off, not wanting to confirm that he was exactly right, and that's why it's totally the best.
If you have an equally awesome book club in your life, here are some of the moms you'll most definitely come across while you're (not) discussing this month's book.
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The Hasn't-Been-Out-in-a-While Mom
She hasn't socialized with people over the age of 7 in weeks, if not months, and although she is a little rusty, she's in dire need of a night with grown-ups — and a few glasses of wine.
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The Here-For-the-Wine Mom
Book? What book? She is here for one reason and one reason only: the vino. She hasn't had an excuse to have one glass too many in a long time, and tonight's the night she's going to go for it!
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The Dedicated Reader
She loves to read, is a dedicated library patron, reads as many books as she possibly can, and can text you a list of her new favorites, which she's saved in a notes file on her phone. Note the disappointment on her face when she realizes she is one of the only book club members who actually got through the book.
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The Didn't-Even-Try-to-Read-the-Book Mom
She is way too busy with (and exhausted by) her kids to get through a book that's longer than Goodnight Moon, and she's not afraid to fess up to her lack of trying. Who has time to read when you have kids to raise?
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The Prepartying Mom
Book club is her get-out-of-jail, I mean the house, free card, and she's using it for everything it's worth. She recruited another member to get drinks with her beforehand, and she's coming in hot. Keep the drinks flowing!
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The We-Really-Should-Discuss-the-Book Mom
Between the completely non-book-related chatter and the wine drinking, this mom has realized that book club has gone off the literary rails, and she wants to get it back on track. Don't worry, after her third attempt to steer the conversation back to the protagonist's real motivation fails, she'll give up.
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The Tagging-Along Mom
She isn't part of book club and doesn't even know what book she was supposed to read. But a friend invited her along for an evening out, and she desperately needed it, so here she is. You'll recognize her because she'll introduce herself to everyone as "the friend of . . . " and cop to not reading the book to every new person she meets, not realizing that they didn't either.
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The Can't-Stay-Long Mom
She has an early morning meeting, has to pick up her kid from a friend's house, or finally answered her husband's fifth phone call begging her to come home to help, so she has to leave the party early and is very, very unhappy about it.
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The Last-One-to-Leave Mom
She doesn't ever want a party to die, so even when the final stragglers are making their way out, she'll suggest you open another bottle of wine and keep the fun going for just a bit longer. And suddenly it's past midnight, you're drunk, and you realize your kids are going to wake you up in less than six hours. Beware of this mom: she's fun, but you'll pay for joining her party.
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The "When's the Next One?" Mom
She is a planner, keeps a tight calendar, and wants to get the next book club on the books long before this one is over. After all, all moms need some adult fun to look forward to, right?